Friday, May 7, 2010

10 Things I Hate About Me

My friend, Nina, inspired me to be more authentic. So, here goes...

1. I have apeirophobia (an abnormal fear of infinity). I am a Christian and I have peace about where I'm going when I die, but the thought of being anywhere forever makes me panic.

2. I hate it when I lose my temper with my children. Most of the time I am a very laid-back person, so I can't stand that other side of me. I want to be that mother who is sweet and loving with her children 100% of the time.

3. Since I was a teenager, I've struggled with depression and self-injury. God is good and He gives me victory over these things, but I wish it wasn't a struggle.

4. I hate that I'm not naturally thin and althetic. I know that it's my own fault that I'm not in good shape (I hate exercise!) but it makes me jealous when I see people out running and it's obvious they enjoy it.

5. I wish that I enjoyed planning meals and cooking them. At the end of the day, it's so hard for me to motivate myself to go into the kitchen and make magic happen.

6. I wish that I craved the things that are good for me and disliked the bad things.

7. Sometimes I resent the fact that Nathan gets to go to work every day to do a job he loves where he gets to use his brain. So much of being a stay at home mom is emotional and that's hard for my academic side.

8. Angel's birth, or what I more accurately refer to as his "extraction", left me an angry, traumatized, fragile mess. By the grace of God, I'm healing, but it's a slow process.

9. I have issues trusting people. I'm always afraid that they'll hurt me in some way.

10. I wish that I had a "crafty" side. Some women can sew, knit, look at a pile of scraps and egg crates and see possibilities. Yeah, I'm not one of those women...

1 comment:

  1. How do you deal with #1? I've been struggling with this for over half my life and I am sick of having panic attacks and sickening feelings when I AM a Christian! I've never known anyone else who would admit to it so I'd be interested to know how you cope. Please email me if you want.