Jenni Jayne's Heart

Postpartum PTSD: Birth Trauma in the U.S.

2010-10-08T18:50:00.000-07:00

The most troubling aspect of the current state of affairs surrounding birth in the U.S. is one that hits very close to home: postpartum post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This disorder is very personal because I still suffer from PTSD as a result of my first child’s birth more than four years ago. There has been an increase of interest in the disorder from the media as more and more women are starting to come out of the woodwork and describe their birth experiences as extreme trauma or even “rape”. These descriptions might raise eyebrows when people naturally expect women to endure childbirth in order to get a healthy baby. The image of a woman screaming in terror as the heroic doctor delivers the baby is an all-to-common scene in movies and TV shows. But is birth supposed to be traumatizing? Does the birth experience really matter or are women who describe being birth-raped overreacting?

Most people are familiar with postpartum depression, and that is not surprising considering the troubling statistics that one in ten women will be diagnosed with this debilitating disorder. However, the diagnosis of postpartum PTSD is a relatively new one. PTSD is usually associated with soldiers returning from war or survivors of rape or natural disasters. Symptoms of PTSD include recurrent distressing memories of the event, nightmares, flashbacks, panic and anxiety. People who suffer from PTSD usually go out of their way to avoid places or objects that remind them of the traumatic event, such as driving on the other side of town to avoid the hospital where the traumatic birth took place.

A recent U.S. survey showed that, of more than 900 mothers, 9% had a positive screening for postpartum PTSD. Also, 18% of the women surveyed had some symptoms of the disorder. Earlier studies which had been done outside of the U.S. had put the rates of postpartum PTSD somewhere in the range of 1.5% and 5.9%. These studies would suggest that the rates of postpartum PTSD in the U.S. are disturbingly high. It has been suggested that the rise in these rates can be attributed to the increase in interventions in birth as well as cesarean sections and feelings of helplessness in threatening situations.

Many of the women who suffer from postpartum PTSD have horror stories for birth stories. They describe feeling betrayed by the same attendants that they trusted would provide them with the birth experience that they had planned for. These women had procedures done against their will or without their consent. They felt threatened or coerced by their attendants into having inductions, c-sections, or instrumental deliveries which were not medically indicated. They had fingers, hands, scissors, and scalpels in them after they had protested against such actions. A chilling example is the case of Catherine Skol whose horrific birth experience included her husband holding her down while her doctor repaired a laceration without anesthetic.

So are these women exaggerating their experiences? Are these women who feel violated, birth-raped, or whose care providers put them or their babies lives in jeopardy overreacting? Is birth trauma a relative term and a matter of how the birth is processed? As someone who has experienced these feelings, I would say absolutely not. Birth is a very raw, primal, intimate process. When the people you entrust to share in this process with you breech this trust, trauma occurs.

Postpartum PTSD changes your life and how you view your birth and baby forever. How can it be enough to have a healthy baby when the mother is in a state of trauma from the same experience which should have been the most empowering experience of her life? These mothers feel shattered and shaken. They have less confidence in their abilities as mothers because their birth experiences were stolen from them. It can affect their ability to breastfeed and bond with their baby as well as their relationships with their partners, family, and fiends.

Is it just a pie-in-the-sky fantasy to believe that birth can be beautiful and not traumatizing in the least? We are born trusting birth and accepting that it is normal. If you show a video to a young child of a smiling woman giving birth their response will be something nonchalant like, “Oh! Cute baby!” Children don't expect birth to be traumatic, and neither should we. If over 90% of women can give birth safely without interventions, then we must not accept the current rise of inductions, cesareans, and other interventions in this country. If we want to raise a generation of healthy children, we must protect and empower their mothers. We have to stop accepting birth trauma as the norm and expect birth ecstasy instead. There is no excuse for the rising rates of postpartum mood disorders in this country. These rates are a disgrace and should make people outraged and demand a change.

So what can be done to avoid PTSD and other tragic postpartum disorders? It would seem that the common denominator among women who suffer from PTSD would describe feelings of helplessness during their birth experiences. People who provide care to birthing women need to understand that the birth belongs to the mother, not them and they must never take that power from the mother. Birthing women should have the final say in what happens to them in labor and postpartum. Women need to birth in ways that minimize interventions and surround themselves with positive people who trust birth and believe in their abilities. Women need to be re-taught to trust in birth and in their bodies and that to believe that birth is inherently dangerous is to believe a lie. Informed, empowered women who are supported in their choices have the safest and healthiest births, physically, emotionally, and mentally. They enter motherhood feeling on top of the world and ready to take on the challenges of raising a new life. I don't think that's too much to ask.

Sources:

Salon

http://letters.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2008/08/06/postpartum_ptsd/view/?show=all

Postpartum Progress

http://postpartumprogress.typepad.com/weblog/postpartum_ptsd/

Psych Central

http://psychcentral.com/news/2008/08/08/ptsd-after-childbirth/2716.html

The Wall Street Journal

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB121789883018612223.html

The Midwife Next Door

http://www.themidwifenextdoor.com/?p=1182

ICAN

http://www.ican-online.org/recovery/postpartum-depression-and-post-traumatic-stress-disorder

The Unnecesarean

http://www.theunnecesarean.com/blog/2008/12/17/more-than-just-rude-behavior-the-rest-of-catherine-skols-all.html

Why it is So Hard to Counter Birth Fright

2010-07-13T19:25:00.000-07:00

Being able to counter birth fright is such a challenge because it is everywhere. Movies and TV shows often associate disastrous outcomes with pregnancy and birth. The media is constantly running stories that show home births or any births outside of the “norm” in a bad light. Interviews of pregnant celebrities always focus on the “horrible pain” of childbirth. Even most people you talk to about pregnancy and birth have opinions that slant toward those events being among the most dangerous and painful one could ever encounter in life. But, in reality, birth is inherently safe and can be the most empowering experience of the mother's life. So, how can someone push back the wave of birth fright with the truth?
In the world of TV and movies, pregnant characters are almost always shown giving birth while screaming and dripping with sweat. Although there might not be complications, per se, the emphasis is that birth is hideously painful. Even a seemingly normal birth will sometimes take a turn for the worse in an instant with only seconds between life and death for the mother and baby until the hero doctor swoops in and saves the helpless pair. Almost worse than their portrayal of birth is their portrayal of doctors being able to perform god-like feats of life-saving proportions. The message is sent, “Thank God that woman was in the hospital so that the doctors could use their life saving machines and save them both...”
The media is not any better. They don't hesitate to run every story about home births gone “bad” or to make a huge emphasis on the danger of a woman giving birth in a car, in a shopping mall, or accidentally on her kitchen floor. And there always has to be someone to save the day, be it a policeman, plumber, or the person on the dispatch who talked the frantic husband through the “delivery”. If a home birth should end in tragedy, the story is run on the slant that it was because of the home birth that the baby or mother died. However, if the story is about a laboring mother who developed life-threatening complications from procedures at a hospital, the doctors are still seen as the heroes and the near-tragedy is shown as a “Christmas Miracle”.
People that you talk to about birth all have their opinions, most based on what they have seen, read, or heard, and not necessarily from what they've personally experienced. They will tell you about their sister's cousin's ex-girlfriend who would have died if she hadn't have had that cesarean or about their brother-in-law's mother-in-law who lost a baby because she had a home birth with one of those “midwives”. People believe what they understand and it doesn't make sense to them that doctors, the media, or their favorite character on TV would lie to them. They buy into the lies that the hospital is the safest place for every woman to have a baby, even though they are more likely to die in a wreck on the way there than in childbirth.
Birth fright is so rampant, the thought of trying to counter it can be overwhelming. But when people are armed with the truth, it can be amazing to see fear and lies melt away. The truth is that birth doesn't have to be horrendously painful. Women have been giving birth since humanity began and I haven't heard a story of a woman dying from the pain. I have, on the other hand, heard stories of women having orgasms during childbirth! And I have also heard stories of women dying from what they received for pain relief. It is also the truth that birth is safe and births have better outcomes when they are left alone, as nature intended. People are born trusting birth and those of us who still believe in its inherent safety and stand in awe of its ability to transform a woman into a mother must never stop speaking these truths.

Dispelling Birth Fear

2010-07-12T22:17:00.000-07:00

People in our culture have been programmed to fear birth. They are taught to believe that birth is inherently dangerous and must be left in the hands of the “experts”. In order to dispel these myths, they must be shown how safe birth is when it is left alone. They must hear, read, and see the truth so that they can learn to trust birth again. Providing reliable information about normal birth is a good way to take down the curtains of lies and expose the truth.

It is imperative for people to hear positive stories about birth. It seems as if, as soon as a woman becomes pregnant, everyone, including strangers, feels the need to share birth horror stories with her. Women don't need to hear those; they need to hear good stories. They need to hear the story about their neighbor who had the home water birth in her jacuzzi tub. Or about the woman at the deli counter who gave birth, with the presence of a midwife, next to the tree on Christmas morning. People who know these empowering, uplifting stories need to speak up and tell them. No one can tell a positive birth story too many times and hearing these stories can be so encouraging. They should also be warned away from childbirth education classes that teach women how to “deal” with birth in a hospital. Instead, they need to hear that they instinctively know how to birth their baby with or without whomever they choose to attend them. Attending local birth story circles at free standing birth centers or midwifery offices is a good way to hear these positive stories.

Women also need to read good material. They shouldn't read books about how to “survive” pregnancy and birth, but rather, how to embrace and be transformed by these events. Books, stories, articles, and websites about normal birth need to be recommended and shared. We've all heard that information is power and it's the truth. Women need to be fully and completely informed about their ability to give birth without any interventions. They need to read material that reminds them of what their bodies were made for and that they and their baby form a very successful team. Sharing websites, blogging, publishing articles in the local paper, or making brochures with reliable information are good ways to share the truth about birth with people.

Being able to visualize what normal birth looks like is also a key factor in dispelling birth fear. Watching positive birth videos and documentaries that depict birth in its unaltered, untainted glory can be very affirming. Women have so many visuals from movies, television shows, and other media that show birth as being a horrifying, dangerous experience. Very few women have seen what a birth looks like when it is left alone. Thanks to video-sharing websites, there are a lot of beautiful births too be seen if someone takes the time to search them out. Making a play-list or posting them on social networking sites or blogs is a great way remind people of birth truth. Someone could also host a birth video movie night (complete with popcorn) and share some inspiration.

Getting information about birth truth is crucial to dispelling the fears surrounding our society's view of birth. Making positive birth stories the norm and sharing videos of normal birth will help restore confidence in birth. Inundating the public with important, reliable information will ensure that pregnant mothers will make decisions about their births based on facts and not fiction. Social networking sites and blogs are making it easier than ever to share birth truth with people from all over the globe. Lies cannot stand up to the truths about birth and when a birthing woman is armed with birth truth, she is unstoppable.

Remembering...

2010-07-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

There were light feet
Curious uncertainty
Cautious what if
Maybe, maybe not
What if I am?
There's your answer
Crimson Messenger
Sickening pain
Cold sheets, lights
You were, but you're not
We're sorry
Crackers, pills
On your way
Long drive home
Tears fall in silence
Guess we wanted
after all
Rocks hit water
Screaming, anger
Never the same again
Doesn't make sense.

More expectation
Just know this time
A welcome sickness
Full feeling
As soon as it was
it's gone
Familiar pain
Curled on couch
Not much said
What's to say?
Still doesn't make sense.

Total surprise
Jumping for joy
Skipping on the beach
More light feet
Time passes
Full, round belly
Hopes are high
Dressing toy lambs
in ribbons
It's a Sunday
Crimson Messenger
Hit the floor
Can't get up
No one to catch me
He's here and
he just knows
Cold sheets
No heartbeat
We're sorry
We don't know why
Just bad luck
Pain pills
On your way
Long drive home
Feeling lost
Wake me up
from this nightmare
Perfect devastation
Waves of pain
Labor with no reward
Emptiness

They are loved
and remembered
Always
But it will never
make sense.

In memory of my lost little ones
October 22, 2005
April 19, 2007
July 8, 2007

What I Believe About Unassisted Birth

2010-06-13T17:09:00.001-07:00

For some birthing women, having an attendant at their birth is a comfort to them and helps them feel empowered. While others may feel that having an attendant makes them nervous and uneasy. For these women, having an unassisted birth would be a safer choice.

In order to let natural birth unfold on it's own, the mother must be completely surrendered to the process. Some women feel that having a birth attendant helps take away the distraction of being aware of potential anomalies during the birth process so that they can be more focused and centered on the task at hand. For them, an attendant that they trust is an asset to normal birth and not a liability.

Other birthing women believe that having anyone attend them would interfere with their birth process. They might feel nervous about the attendant making suggestions which they might not agree with but wouldn't have the presence of mind to ignore in the moment. Or they might feel that they are being judged on their performance and not able to fully let go and do what feels comfortable for them. There are many other reasons why some birthing women are not comfortable having a birth attendant other than their family or friends and some would even feel safest birthing alone.

The process of normal birth is depended on the mother feeling safe and empowered. Therefore, she must do what she feels most comfortable with. Having an attendant is not a requirement of having an normal birth.

Birth belongs to the mother and her baby. No one should ever take the power away from the mother and tell her where or how to birth her baby. The process of birth is a very sacred event and the decisions of where, how, and with whom to share that event are the mother's to make.

What I Believe About Home Birth

2010-06-13T14:52:00.000-07:00

I believe that home birth is the safest option for normal pregnancies. While there are complications that can occur, the vast majority of those complications are caused by outside influences. Normal birth becomes dangerous and traumatic when the power is taken from the mother. Once a birthing mother steps out of her front door, so to speak, she loses the normalcy of birth. Normal birth was never designed to be interfered with. Nature shows us that creatures have the best birth outcomes when they feel safe and are left alone. Birthing women need to feel supported, safe, and cared for; not coerced or controlled. Pregnant women in our society have been brainwashed to believe that they need saving and that hospitals, doctors, medicine, and machines will save them. Countless books have been written and childbirth classes held to teach women how to deal with what they will encounter during a hospital birth. They are taught that doctors and "professionals" know what's best for them. They are also taught that the process of birth is of little consequence and all that really matters is a healthy baby. They have been fed one lie after another. The truth is that pregnancy is not an illness and birth isn't something to be saved from, but rather, to be experienced and enjoyed. The power to birth lies within the woman. It is something she is born with and it is a tragedy when it is trampled on and abused. It can also be an incredible thing to witness by those whom she chooses to support and attend her. I also know that even attendants at home births can cause complications by their own interference. Even well-meaning suggestions can take power away from the mother and change the course of the birth. That is why it is important that the birthing mother be empowered so that she can be in charge of her birthing experience. All women have the right to have the birth they desire.

AFP (Alphafetoprotein) Test

2010-06-06T17:44:00.000-07:00

This is another brochure I made for my doula course. Again, if you would like copies, let me know!

Q. What is an Alphafetoprotein Test?

A. An Alphafetoprotein Test (AFP) is a blood test taken to screen for Neural Tube Defects such as spina bifida, anenecephaly etc. as well as, more recently, to predict the risk of Downs Syndrome.

Q. How is the test preformed?

A. A sample of blood is drawn from the mother for testing. This can be done in the caregiver’s office or at a separate laboratory.

Q. When is the test done?

A. The test has the greatest accuracy between 15 and 17 weeks of gestation. Accurate dating of the pregnancy as well as knowing the number of babies in utero is very important to the accuracy of the test results.

Q. What at the risks of the AFP Test?

A. Other than mild discomfort at the sight of the blood draw, there is no risk from the test itself. However, depending on the results of the test, the AFP test may lead to further tests which do carry risks. Further tests that may be recommended are an Amniocentesis and/or Level II Ultrasound.

Q. Who is the test recommended for?

A. All pregnant women are offered the test, however, most practitioners especially recommend it for women who have a family history of birth defects, are 35 years or older, have used possible harmful drugs during pregnancy, or who have diabetes.

Q. What do the AFP results mean?

A. It is very important to note that the AFP test is a screening test and not a diagnostic test in any way. This means that it is used to note if a woman is at risk of carrying a baby with a potential disorder. It is not used to diagnose any disorder. If the test produces abnormal results, further testing must be done in order to reach a diagnosis.

Q. How accurate is the AFP Test?

A. The benefit of preforming the AFP screening is that 70% to 90% of babies with neural tube defects are discovered. However, about 10% of women who receive the AFP test will show abnormal results. Of these women, 1 in 50 will actually have an affected baby. This means that 49 women will receive false positive results. The downside of receiving false positive results is undue emotional distress.

Q. How can I decide if I should have the AFP test preformed?

A. In order to decide whether or not to have the test preformed, you should ask yourself what you would do if the test showed abnormal results. Choosing to have further testing could help you research potential medical interventions, start planning for a special needs child, start anticipating lifestyle changes, and find support groups and resources. You might also choose to not have further tests preformed because you would be comfortable with the results no matter the outcome, making a decision about carrying the baby to term is not an option, or you want to avoid any testing that poses any risk of harming the developing baby. Because making a decision about having an AFP test preformed can be a very difficult one, it is important to have all your questions and concerns addressed by your caregiver.

Jazmyn is Two Today!

2010-06-02T10:54:00.000-07:00

I was a week past my due date on Sunday, June first and I was getting really impatient. I hadn't been able to sleep comfortably for months and I had constant, nagging heartburn. All I could think about was going into labor and having my baby already!

My friend and midwife, Tiffany, came out after church to see how I was doing and I asked her to strip my membranes to help get things going. She said that I was five centimeters dilated and very stretchy. It was encouraging to know that I was dilating but I wanted active labor to start so bad!

We visited with Tiffany and her family outside in the sunshine and I started to get really nauseated and weak feeling. I just wanted to lie down and rest so, after they left, I went into my dark bedroom and laid down on the bed. I tried to sleep but I was feeling really sick to my stomach. I went into the bathroom and, sure enough, I threw up. My stomach felt better after that but I was still very tired. I laid back down and drifted in and out of sleep for a while. At about six thirty I started to get some contractions that were mildly uncomfortable. After I got several of them, I texted Tiffany, told her what was going on, and asked if she thought they were anything. She said that she thought that they were the real deal! I was really excited but I didn't want to get my hopes up.

When I realized I wasn't going to be able to sleep through these contractions, I went out into the living room where Nathan was and said "I think you should start filling up the birth pool." He jumped up and started filling it right away. I made some calls to make arrangements for Angel and texted people to let them know I was finally in labor!

I kept getting steady contractions after Angel left with some friends of ours and I finally got into my birth pool. By then is was about ten o'clock and all I had eaten since that afternoon was jell-o and yogurt so I asked Nathan for some chicken broth. My contractions started slowing down and I realized just how exhausted I really was. So, at about eleven thirty, we crawled into bed and I was thinking that everything had stopped and it was another false alarm.

Just before three o'clock I woke up really hungry. So I got up and ate some cereal and noticed that my contractions were still going, they just weren't painful. I went back to bed just before three thirty and I had a huge contraction that woke me up. I was thinking "Ow... this hurts…" and then POP! My water broke! There was a warm gush everywhere and I smiled and laughed. I was so excited! I woke up Nathan with "Hey, my water just broke!" He bolted up out of bed without saying a word and I was thinking, "Where is he going?" He quickly came back with towels.

I called my midwife telling her that my membranes had ruptured and that it was clear. She was so calm when she said "Ok, cool, well just go back to sleep and call me when you need me."

After I got changed and had texted people telling them that my water had broken, I cuddled up to Nathan feeling all happy and excited. We both said that there was no way we were going to sleep after this! And we wouldn't have been able to anyway because my contractions started coming on hard and steady. I was like "This is it! This is where the real work begins!" We stayed in bed and I worked through the contractions for about an hour and then I called Tiffany again and told her she should probably start heading out to our house.

Tiffany and her assistant, Annie, got to our house a little after five and by this time I was begging for the pool. It had cooled down a lot so Nathan was working on heating it back up. It seemed like it was taking forever. I must have asked him a thousand times when it was going to be ready! Annie checked my blood pressure and Jazmyn's heartbeat while I was on the bed on my hands and knees with my face buried in the pillows.

The pool finally warmed up and I was able to surround myself with the warm water. Tiffany and Annie set up their supplies and checked their oxygen tanks while we talked and laughed. The mood was very light and exciting. The pool ended up being too relaxing and my contractions slowed down. Tiffany said that she wasn't going to tell me what to do but if I stayed in there I would probably stay in there a lot longer. So, I reluctantly made the decision to get out of the pool to speed things back up.

I went back to my bed and after a few contractions on "land" I said "Ok, I think we've proven that these really suck out of water!" I was hungry so Nathan brought me some cereal and I would eat as fast as I could before another contraction would hit me, and then I would flop forward and stick my butt in the air (it seemed to help). After I ate I laid down on my side and cuddled with Nathan some more. I felt so antsy and I hated just laying there taking that pain so I said "I have to walk, move, DO something!" Tiffany said, "So go walk!" And we did. We went outside and circled the house a couple of times. It took a while because I had to stop quite often and hang onto Nathan as I worked through the contractions. They finally got so strong that I figured it would be ok to get back into the pool and if not then I really didn't care.

I got back into the pool and Nathan burned some of my essential oils and put in a Bach CD. He fed me some more jell-o and read to me out of the American Academy of Pediatrics book. It helped keep things light as we laughed about how clinical they were about everything. By this time the contractions were very close together and very strong. I moaned through them and gripped Nathan's fingers so tight he said I could crack an egg with my grip! Annie checked my blood pressure and Jazmyn's heart rate and reminded me to keep my "birth sounds" low and deep in my throat to help keep things loose.

I started to feel that things were getting really intense so I asked Nathan if he would get into the pool with me. He got in and started rubbing my feet and then I had a monster contraction. Right after that one another one hit me and I think I said something like "Oh, my gosh!" Tiffany and Annie came into the "birth cave" and I looked up at them and said, "I have to push!"

I flipped over onto my knees and wrapped my arms around Nathan for support. The urge to push was unbelievable! Tiffany asked me how it felt when I pushed and I said that it felt better. She asked if she could check to see if I was fully dilated. When she checked she said, "Well I feel a head!" She told me that Jazmyn had like an inch to go and that was encouraging. Everyone was saying, "You're doing so awesome!" "You're amazing!" I gave several short pushes and ended up bellowing like a moose because it just felt like she was coming too fast. Annie put an oxygen mask on me and told me to breathe deeply. Tiffany was telling me I had to get the baby out but my contractions had pretty much stopped by then and I was exhausted and just wanted to rest.

I whimpered, "I can't do this!" Tiffany said, "Yes you can! You're doing it! Do you want to feel her head?" so, I reached down and felt Jazmyn's head right there ready to come out. It was such an amazing feeling. I started thinking, "Ok, I want to see my baby." So I gave a huge push through all the pain and out came her head! I reached down again and felt her head with so much hair! It was exciting and gave me the courage to push one last time for her shoulders. It was so intense and seriously felt like a freight train was barreling out of me. I lunged forward away from the sensation on top of Nathan. But then, at about eleven thirty, she was out!

After she was out, some drama began. I turned around and held Jazmyn close, rubbing her chest. She gave a tiny cry but that was it. The pool was quickly filling with blood so Annie gave me a tincture and some homeopathics to help stop the bleeding. We were all trying to get Jazmyn to start breathing and get some color. Everyone helped me get out of the pool and Tiffany kept saying, "Jenni, stop bleeding!"

The placenta basically just fell out, it was so small. I was shaking badly and still bleeding so Tiffany gave me a shot of Pitocin and they covered me in blankets. Annie had Jazmyn on oxygen and she started pinking up. They kept asking me how I was doing and I just kept saying "It hurts! It hurts!" I was having awful contractions and it stung really bad to sit down. Tiffany asked if I wanted to lie down on the sofa or my bed and I said I wanted my bed. They helped me into my bed and kept me on oxygen. I was so exhausted and I remember wondering why they wouldn't let me sleep but I guess they didn't want me to pass out. So they brought me my precious baby and I got to nurse her right away. It was so amazing to have those first moments with her. She was so perfect.

Tiffany and Annie explained that Jazmyn's heart rate had gone down to about ninety beats a minute when I was pushing and that it didn't go back up, which is why they wanted me to get her out so fast. The umbilical cord vessels were weak and had separated from the placenta which kept her from getting adequate oxygen. But thankfully, I had been able to get her out fast and she pinked up nicely and looked beautiful!

They washed me up which I thought was so nice because no one did that when I was in the hospital with Angel. They said, "Well that's because we actually care about you!" It still makes me tear up every time I think about how tender they were. Then they let Nathan and I bond with our new baby while they cleaned up the "birth cave". After a while, they came back in to weigh and measure Jazmyn and to check her reflexes. She was six pounds, fourteen ounces and twenty inches long.

The whole experience was just indescribable. It fueled my passion for home birth and helped heal some of my hurts. God is so good.

Happy Birthday, Jazmyn. I love you, sweet girl.

Going Past Your Due Date: Answers to Common Questions

2010-05-30T18:38:00.001-07:00

The following is a brochure that I made for my doula course. If you would like copies to share, please let me know :)

Q. How is a due date determined?

A. The modern 40 week due date is based upon Naegele’s rule which assumes that all pregnancies last for about 280 days from the first day of the last menstrual period.

Q. Are due dates accurate?

A. Naegele’s rule assumes that all women have a 28 day cycle and ovulate on day 14, however, this is not true of all women. Some women have significantly shorter or longer cycles. One of the dangers of making this assumption for all women is that if a woman with a longer cycle were to have her baby forced out prematurely based on the LMP (last menstrual period). The baby could have long term consequences from the premature birth.

Q. What about due dates found by ultrasound?

A. When a woman’s LMP is unknown, ultrasounds are often used to find an EDD (estimated due date). Ultrasound scans taken early on in the pregnancy have an EDD accuracy of +/- 4-5 days at 12 weeks gestation, whereas, scans taken past 12 weeks only have an accuracy of +/- 7-10 days.

Q. Are most babies born on their due date?

A. If pregnancies are left to themselves, 50%-80% of them will continue past 40 weeks. Only 5% of babies are born on their due date with 10% arriving after 42 completed weeks.

Q. What are the risks of going past your due date?

A. The greatest concerns for pregnancies continuing past 40 weeks gestation are Postmature Syndrome and an increased risk of stillbirth. Postmature Syndrome is caused by the placenta failing to provide adequate nutrients for the growing baby. Symptoms of Postmature Syndrome range from minor ones such as longer finger and toenails to more severe symptoms such as impaired breathing or meconium aspiration. The risk of stillbirth has a slight increase as the pregnancy continues past 40 weeks with a .12% at 40 weeks and .2% at 42 weeks. However, most studies show that up to 25% of these stillbirths are directly related to genetic abnormalities and not to being postdate.

Q. What tests are offered after you pass your due date?

A. Routine tests that are offered by active management caregivers include a Nonstress Test (NST), Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI), and Biophysical Profile (BPP). A Nonstress Test can show if a baby is responding well to stimulus by an increase in the baby’s heart rate during 20 minute intervals. An Amniotic Fluid Index gives a rough estimate of the amount of amniotic fluid. A Biophysical Profile includes both of these tests. Because there are so many variables to their reliability and the fact than none of these tests can predict events such as cord prolapse or placental abruption, there is no data to show that using these types of monitoring improves pregnancy outcomes.

Q. When should you consider induction?

A. When your caregiver will recommend induction will most likely depend on whether or not you have chosen an active or expectant management caregiver. While most active management caregivers routinely induce at 41 weeks, the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists do not recommend routine induction in low-risk pregnancies until 42 weeks. Because inductions themselves carry a whole host of risks, most expectant management caregivers, specifically those who follow the Midwives Model of Care, will take a more wait-and-see approach and will avoid induction unless they believe it is indicated. Having a comfortable relationship with your caregiver where you make the decisions, your concerns are addressed, and your questions are answered is the surest way that you can avoid an unnecessary induction.

10 Things I Hate About Me

2010-05-07T14:09:00.000-07:00

My friend, Nina inspired me to be more authentic. So, here goes...

1. I have apeirophobia (an abnormal fear of infinity). I am a Christian and I have peace about where I'm going when I die, but the thought of being anywhere forever makes me panic.

2. I hate it when I lose my temper with my children. Most of the time I am a very laid-back person, so I can't stand that other side of me. I want to be that mother who is sweet and loving with her children 100% of the time.

3. Since I was a teenager, I've struggled with depression and self injury. God is good and He gives me victory over these things, but I wish it wasn't a struggle.

4. I hate that I'm not naturally thin and althetic. I know that it's my own fault that I'm not in good shape (I hate exercise) but it makes me jealous when I see people out running and it's obvious they enjoy it.

5. I wish that I enjoyed planning meals and cooking them. At the end of the day, it's so hard for me to motivate myself to go into the kitchen and make magic happen.

6. I wish that I craved the things that are good for me and disliked the bad things.

7. Sometimes I resent the fact that Nathan gets to go to work every day to do a job he loves where he gets to use his brain. So much of being a stay at home mom is emotional and that's hard for my academic side.

8. Angel's birth, or what I more accurately refer to as his "extraction". left me an angry, traumatized, fragile mess. By the grace of God, I'm healing, but it's a slow process.

9. I have issues trusting people. I'm always afraid that they'll hurt me in some way.

10. I wish that I had a "crafty" side. Some women can sew, knit, look at a pile of scraps and egg crates and see possibilities. Yeah, I'm not one of those women...

25 Random Things About Me

2010-05-07T12:58:00.001-07:00

1. I love Jesus. He is my everything. Without Him, I am nothing. I believe that with all my heart.

2. I am a birth junkie! I love watching beautiful birth videos and reading birth stories, they make me cry (in a good way). I am close to becoming certified as a birth doula and I am going to pursue midwifery. I know in my heart that is what I'm called to do.

3. I love my husband with all my heart but I hate using the term "married". I don't believe that signing a piece of paper shows that a couple is in a covenant for life.

4. I love horses, especially my sweet Mustang, Mr Manners. I love everything about horses. Training them is so fulfilling. I love riding English, especially hunter/jumper and I want to eventually compete in three day eventing.

5. I really like pizza. I could live on pizza. When there's nothing planned for dinner and my hubby suggests ordering pizza, I'm like "YES! Made my day!"

6. I used to hate all seafood but I'm learning to appreciate a good fillet of fish. I still avoid crab, lobster, shrimp, and shellfish like the plague! Bleh...

7. I have a very wide range of music and TV that I like and my hubby (smart man) lets me have control of the remote and the radio. On his days off, I'll search out my favorite music videos online and make him dance along!

8. I am completely and passionately against routine circumcision, spanking, and vaccinations. I will argue against all three until the cows come home. Then, when the cows are in the barn, fed and watered, I'll argue some more! :)

9. I am an animal lover and I believe that God wants us to treat animals with respect. I have no respect for anyone who intentionally causes unnecessary harm to an animal.

10. I am a mother to six amazing children. Three are with their Father in Heaven and three are with me here on earth. I love them all.

11. I love being pregnant and giving birth. Babies are God's sweetest creation. Motherhood is the most challenging thing I've ever been called to, but it's helping me to appreciate God's grace and love even more.

12. I am an avid gum chewer. I chew a couple (sometimes more) pieces a day. This is probably not a good thing since I have issues with jaw pain but, in the words of Jack Twist, "I wish I knew how to quit you..."

13. Shoes and lingerie are my favorite articles of clothing and I have quite a collection of both.

14. I've always enjoyed writing and have attempted to write a few books but the perfectionist in me has a hard time seeing them through to completion.

15. I really enjoy shopping. In our family, I am the "spender" and my hubby is the "saver". Together, we have a good balance.

16. I would rather watch a good TV show than a movie or read a good book instead of either. Movies bother me because it's hard to build a relationship with the characters and the plots develop too fast.

17. I enjoy being out in nature but I don't like camping. I've been there, done that for nine weeks. I'm so over camping!

18. I traveled all over Europe as a teenager and I want to do it again with my family someday.

19. I hate having my bare feet on the carpet. I think it's disgusting. I wear sock, slippers or flip flops all year round. When I build my dream home, there will not be a stitch of carpet in sight!

20. I detest bees, wasps, hornets, etc. If they are around, I will most likely run away screaming. I don't care if they sense fear, when they are present, my common sense goes out the window.

21. I really dislike chocolate. I have never understood how people can bite into a mushy, bitter chocolate bar. Yuck!

22. I try to live a very "earth conscious" life. I think, as a Christian, I'm supposed to be a good steward of this beautiful planet so I try to reduce, reuse, recycle as much as I can.

23. Eating healthy is important to me. I buy organic as much as I can and I avoid fast food. Ever since I watched Food, Inc. the thought of a Big Mac makes me ill...

24. I love learning how to play instruments. My next goal is to learn to play the cello. I've been searching for a used one at a good price, if you know of any, let me know!

25. I cannot stand getting up in the morning. If I'm up in time to see the sun rise, it makes me depressed cause it means I should be sleeping. Sometimes I'll stay up really late because going to bed means I have to get up in the morning (weird logic, I know)

Positive Parenting

2010-05-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

Recently, Nathan and I took an afternoon to sit down and discuss our parenting goals and strategies. It was very good for us to solidify what is acceptable and what is not and how we plan to deal with various situations that will arise. It was a much needed conversation and I'm grateful that we had an opportunity to come to an agreement on parenting matters.

Our goals are to raise healthy, happy children who love Jesus. We want them to have a beautiful childhood and, most importantly, never doubt that they are loved. The fact that we want them to know, without a doubt, that they are loved is so essential to us as parents because, after all, this is what Jesus does for us.

Since we are attachment parents, spanking is not an option for us at all. While I respect the decisions of other parents who seek the best for their own children, spanking goes against everything that we believe as Christians as well as attachment parents. Because we refuse to use this form of discipline (or rather punishment) for our kids, we've had to become more creative and involved with finding other methods.

One thing that we have been working on is how we communicate with our children. We make a point to speak to them at their eye level in ways they can understand. We also want them to repeat back anything that we ask them to do so that we are sure that they heard us and understand what is requested of them. Talking to them in a polite, respectful way is important if they are to feel truly loved.

We also use natural consequences for their negative actions instead of vague punishment. For example, if Angel has been warned not to throw his monster trucks and continues to do so, a natural consequence is to have the monster trucks go away. This teaches him that no one will play with you if you're mean to them. Another example would be if Jazmyn has been told not to run out to the street and she does anyway, she will loose the privilege of playing outside. Natural consequences are consequences that are directly related to the negative action and they make sense. Telling a child not to hit their sibling and then smacking them if they do so would not be a natural consequence and would not make sense.

Something that's been working beautifully with our preschooler, Angel, is his reward board and his tickets. He earns stars on his board when we're home or tickets when we're out for doing what he's asked and behaving himself during the day. When they add up, he gets rewarded for his good behavior. Since we implemented the reward board, we've seen an improvement in his attitude and behavior. One of the reasons why I think it works so well for him is because it gives him a tangible way for him to see that good behavior has good results. Another reason why it's effective is because it focuses on the positive. I don't think parents realize how many "Atta boy's" it takes to make up for just one negative reaction.

We try to make a point to focus on what our kids are doing right instead of waiting for them to mess up and punish them. We want our kids to know that they are loved and accepted even if they make wrong choices. Their wrong choices are never encouraged and they are never ignored but the focus is on them making healthy, positive choices.

Here are some articles and resources that helped us and we totally recommend them!

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T062100.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T060200.asp

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061000.asp

http://books.google.com/books?id=aKwpLs0S8uEC&dq=How+to+Really+Love+your+Child&printsec=frontcover&source=bn&hl=en&ei=d9LcS7fjA5O-sgOSq6HOBg&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=4&ved=0CCEQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q&f=false

Confession

2010-03-11T19:48:00.000-08:00

Hi, my name is Jenni and I have a problem with body image. There, I said it. I think it all started when I was about sixteen and I discovered one day (much to my horror) that my butt had grown considerably, complete with stretch marks. Innocent me, I didn't even know such things were possible! I knew there was nothing I could do about it so I tried to shrug it off and not let it bother me. But it was always in the back of my mind and I would wonder if there was something I could have done to prevent it.

I stayed pretty thin and wore the same jeans from high school until I became pregnant with my son. I knew that being pregnant would come with the added bonus of weight gain but I was still shocked when, at one of my last prenatal visits, the scale showed that I was almost 160. I was thinking "I'm only 5' 5"! How did that happen?"

After he was born the obsession to lose the weight started. I didn't have the time or the money for a gym membership and my husband was working incredibly long hours. I didn't want to go walking or jogging by myself every day so I did the only thing I knew would work. I didn't eat. I would eat something like toast or a bowl or cereal for breakfast and sip coffee all day long until dinner. The coffee made it feel like there was something in my stomach but it did nothing for my lack of energy. My husband became increasingly concerned about how weak I was that he was constantly telling me to eat something. I said I would eat when I lost the weight.

And most of the weight came off by the time I became pregnant with Jazmyn. I was five pounds away from where I wanted to be. Several months into the pregnancy was when I started seeing my midwife and she pressed the issue of eating lots of healthy food for the baby. The thought of gaining a lot of weight terrified me but I tried to push my feelings aside and follow her recommendations.

Jazmyn was born in June so shorts, sun dresses, and swim suits were in season. I started out with a good attitude of "The weight will come off eventually." and "It took nine months to gain this, it's going to take some time to come off". But after having several people ask me how far along I was, and when my baby was due, (sometimes while I was holding my infant!) I became increasingly depressed. I would bounce around from starving myself, trying to exercise, and times of doing nothing and thinking, "What's the point? I'm just going to get pregnant again and gain it all back!"

I was probably twenty pounds away from my ideal weight when I got pregnant with Eden. This time I was determined to eat plenty of nutritious food and grow a healthy baby. I was successful, she weighed nine pounds at birth, but it also came at a cost for me. Who would have thought it was possible to gain so much weight on an almost completely organic diet? Well, it's possible and here I am.

As soon as she was born I started thinking about exercising, cutting back portion sizes, and fitting into my "skinny jeans". Yes, I've still kept some jeans that I haven't worn in almost four years because somehow I think they will serve as motivation. I fantasize about putting on a bikini again and what that will feel like.

It's a daily struggle for me to eat enough for my nursing baby and exercise instead. I still have days where I'll skip meals, convinced that the hunger pains mean my body is consuming fat. If I miss a day of working out, I'll eat less, chew gum and work out that much harder the next day. When I step on a scale I'm willing the dial to move down with my mind.

This behavior is unfair to myself, is obsessive, and it's a sin. That's why I need Jesus. I need His reminder every day that He loves me just the way I am and that loosing weight could not make Him love me more. He reminds me that the women of faith in the Bible have no mention of their weight. Even the Proverbs 31 women is not held to a standard of thin. My body is a temporary shell that won't last but my relationship with Jesus will last forever.

I hate admitting that this is a part of me, but it is and I am thankful for my husband who tells me I'm beautiful every day. I know he believes it and I am learning to believe it for myself. I want to be a good example to other women and my own daughters of what it means to be truly beautiful.

2010-03-01T20:11:00.000-08:00

Eden turned two months old three days ago. I made it! I actually survived the first two months with three kids. There were definitely some overwhelming moments, times when all three of the kids would be crying and screaming and all I could do was pray that God would give me just enough grace to get through the rest of the day. And the grace would come because He is so faithful. There were also a lot of beautiful moments. Seeing Eden smile for the first time. Watching her when she is first awake in the morning and all she wants to do is kick her legs and coo. Witnessing her eyes light up when she heard Jazmyn say "Don't cry, baby Bear." So many precious moments that go by way to fast.

I was so blessed to have Nathan be able to take two weeks off after Eden was born. I spent most all of it at home as a family, bonding, resting and recuperating. When he went back to work, my friend, Nikki was over many times to help. She was a Godsend! She fixed lunches, did laundry, played with the kids, and kept me company. She saved my sanity in those early weeks of adjustment.

My parents have faithfully been coming over every Saturday to visit and give me a reprieve while Nathan's still working weekends. It has been so nice to spend time with them and the kids really look forward to it. It is such a blessing to have them living so close to us.

We were able to go up to Pendleton for a few days to visit with my aunt, uncle, and grandparents. My aunt Marie was so hospitable and made us feel right at home. I really enjoyed all of the quality time we got to spend with everyone.

It's amazing how every baby is different. It never ceases to amaze me how something that worked so well to soothe one of my babies does absolutely nothing for the others! Eden is a very sweet, happy baby for the most part, but during her colicy times she gets her point across about how mad she is! Nathan and I have to tag team during dinner on most nights because that is her fussiest time. Thankfully she's been sleeping through the night (other than feedings) since she was born. I'm not sure how I would be able to function if she chose to spend nights doing her colic routine.

Her first bath

Sucking on Mommy's finger

She's Finally Here!

2010-01-15T17:40:00.000-08:00

My daughter Jazmyn was born ten days after her due date. So, as my due date with Eden approached, I tried to mentally prepare myself for that to happen again by counting down to forty two weeks. But when the forty-two week mark came and went, it felt very much like stepping off of a ledge. I didn't have anything to count down to anymore and the not-knowing was very unnerving.

I had an appointment with my friend and midwife, Tiffany, a few days after the forty-two week mark and, after checking on me and the baby, she offered to strip my membranes as she had with Jazmyn. I was definitely ready to be done being pregnant, but as long as we were both doing well, I was determined to wait for the baby and my body to decide when they were ready for labor.

On Christmas morning, I woke up early in the morning with a sore throat and just generally felt miserable. I took some supplements, gargled some vinegar, and went back to sleep for a couple more hours. During breakfast around ten, I suddenly got a strong contraction that took me by surprise. After I got several more at about ten minutes apart, I knew that labor had finally started. I was very excited, but I was still feeling sick so I tried to rest as much as I could all day.

My parents, my sister, and her family came over late in the afternoon and we ate dinner and opened presents. Later that evening, my contractions were getting closer together but because I was still feeling so ill, I knew that I wouldn't have the energy to give birth if I didn't get some sleep. So, following my midwife's recommendation, I drank a glass of wine and went to bed.

The wine helped me sleep for a little while, but soon I started getting awakened by strong contractions that were eight minutes apart. By the time morning came, I was exhausted and near tears because I just wanted to sleep! I ate some breakfast and my contractions finally lessened enough for me to sleep for several hours. When I woke up around one in the afternoon, I took a shower and ate some leftovers from Christmas dinner. I was surprised at how much better I felt and knew that I could face labor with renewed energy. My family showed up again to have dinner with us and I informed them that we were about to welcome our baby! They were so excited that they were going to be there for the birth!

We talked, snacked and played a board game while I quietly labored on the birth ball. By four o'clock, my contractions began to demand all of my attention. I retreated to my bedroom and told Nathan to start filling up the birth pool. As we were waiting for it to fill, Nathan cuddled with me and I made a comment about how I was surprised that my water hadn't broken. I mentioned how rare it was for a baby to be born "in the caul" or without a ruptured amniotic sack, but that it was considered very lucky!

An hour went by and my contractions were coming every four minutes and lasting just over a minute. When I informed my Tiffany of this, she told me that she and her assistants would start heading our way. The pool was soon full and I gratefully welcomed the warm embrace of the water.

Nathan had essential oils burning, my Owl City cd (that he had just given me for Christmas) playing, and the video camera set up to record the birth. He also made sure that temperature in the room and the pool was warm and comfortable. I am so blessed to have a husband who knows just what I need when I'm in labor!

Tiffany, Nikki, and Jenny arrived at about six thirty. Tiffany checked the baby's heart tones and asked how I was doing and if we needed anything. I said I was so excited and also hungry, so Nikki and Jenny made Nathan and I peanut butter sandwiches. Tiffany read to me out of the fourth Twilight book and we laughed and talked between contractions.

Nathan started to notice that my contractions were getting harder to manage so he joined me in the pool. Being able to hold onto him was very helpful and comforting as I went through transition. My contractions were very strong but they still had several minutes in between so I had a hard time believing that I was nearing the end when I felt my first pushing surge. I felt her head about an inch in and still covered in the sack!

It felt so amazing to feel my pushing surges after laboring for so long! I felt so powerful and in tune with my body as I breathed my baby down. I also knew that I would see my baby within minutes and that was a thrilling thought! After a few more contractions, I could feel the head bulging and starting to crown. Tiffany asked if she could check the heart tones one more time when I was ready and I nodded, deep in concentration. She didn't get a chance to because the next contraction came and I smiled and said, "The head's out!" Sure enough, she was still covered in the amniotic sack. I waited for the next contraction and with a little push she slid out and I pulled her up to my chest! She knew what her lungs were for and started crying right away.

It was such a surreal, beautiful moment. Nathan kissed me and told me how amazing I was, I gushed about how gorgeous the baby girl was that I had just birthed, and Tiffany was crying to hard to speak. My mom and sister came in the room and were so excited to see the brand new baby!

Eden's first picture.

Tiffany holding our new baby! It was so awesome so have her there.

Nathan weighing his brand new baby girl!

Eden Marie was nine pounds, with a head full of dark hair and big, blue eyes. She showed some signs of being post-date but she was as healthy as could be! Her birth was so smooth and easy on me and I feel so very blessed!

Changes and Beautiful Anticipation

2009-11-08T17:41:00.000-08:00

This fall has been a whirlwind so far! Two days after Nathan's birthday on September 18, we got a call from our land lady. She informed us that she had plans to turn the house we were living in into an adult foster care home. She'd been in the process of getting the go-ahead from the state for several months but she had held off on telling us (probably for fear of loosing money if we had moved out sooner). She gave us thirty days to find a new place to live.

We have several conditions that made finding a suitable home difficult. One is that Nathan drives a company truck and in order to use that truck and also because he's on call a lot, he has to be within a certain distance from his work. Another is that we have several animals, including a horse, that require lots of room and an agreeable landlord!

We searched every day for weeks and were getting close to the deadline, as well as becoming increasingly discouraged, when we applied for a place between Terrebonne and Madras. The house was less than ideal but it was our only option for a place with land. It turns out that they had given us false information and it had already been rented. We resigned ourselves to the fact that we were just going to have to find a small place in Redmond and board the horse until we found something at a later time.

Then the most amazing thing happened. Nathan and I both separately just got a feeling that we were supposed to look in Madras. Within one day he found a property management company, I called them, viewed a house, and put in an application! We were accepted right away and we were thrilled. We ended up moving in a week before we had to be out of our old home and it was an easier transition than I had anticipated.

The house is a lovely four bedroom home on several acres which we can fence for our horse. Nathan loves the fact that it has an attached garage and I am enjoying the extra storage, especially the pantry! We still have a few things to put in order but for the most part we're settled in. We are so thankful to God for how everything worked out for the better and it was such a journey in trusting Him. He is our gracious Father and it is so precious how He blesses His children even when we don't deserve it!

Now that I'm thirty-six weeks pregnant, the mood around our household is switching from business and chaos to a calmer, more prepared anticipation. I was able to order an actual birth pool online and Nathan's insurance reimbursed us for it. It is so large and comfortable! We took it for a "test run" and I can see it working beautifully for the birth.

Angel talks about the new baby a lot. I'm pretty sure he knows what's going to happen. Jazmyn loves to pat and kiss the belly and we tell her that there's a baby in there but I doubt she can comprehend that. We are planning on having both the children at home for the birth so the transition should be smooth.

After discussing it with my midwife, we decided to have four lovely ladies at the birth. We will have our main midwife, Tiffany and her assistant Annie be our primary care-givers and their two assistants, Jenny and Nikki be there as well for support and assistance if need be. I'm very blessed to have such an awesome, supportive team to share this experience with. I love them all : )

We are all very excited about this birth. I know it's going to be an awesome experience and I'm really looking forward to meeting this baby. I have my suspicions that this baby is going to come early but I'm hoping for December fifteenth. For some reason I picked that date and I'm sticking with it! We'll just have to see when this baby decides to show up. Whatever the date, it's going to be amazing.

" You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on you: because he trusts in you" Isaiah 26:3

Fall is almost here...

2009-09-05T14:50:00.001-07:00

As summer is coming to a close, I am beginning to really feel like it's down to "crunch time". There is a lot of change going on around the Rettig-Yordy household. My son will start home school preschool on Tuesday, my daughter decided to stop nursing a few weeks ago, and our new baby will be here in as little as ten weeks!
For my son, our preschool curriculum is very much geared toward his own interests. My goal is to set a few short times during the day for him to focus on one activity at a time and he'll probably run around the house like he usually does the rest of the time! He's a very smart little boy and he loves to learn but it's time for him to learn some self control by doing some fun, organized activities together. He amazes me by how much he can remember and his boundless energy is contagious.
My daughter, now that she's fifteen months, has decided she no longer needs mommy's milk. This transition was bittersweet for me. On one hand, I miss the bonding time that only breastfeeding offers but on the other hand, it was becoming extremely uncomfortable from all of my pregnancy hormones. She also wants to sleep in her own "bed" now, so I've been trying to make up for all the lost cuddle time throughout the day. She still doesn't say a whole lot, but she has no trouble communicating in other ways! She's such a sweet, smart little girl.
We're making plans for baby Lane's arrival. We're going to have a home waterbirth again and we want to try to do as much as we can ourselves. We want it to be a very intimate experience. I still have the same midwife, Tiffany and she and her assistant, Annie are a great addition to our birth team. We have all of his precious newborn clothes laid out in his dresser and we only have a few more items to get for him. I can't wait to meet this strong, active little boy inside of me!
I thank God every day for my precious family and how much they help me depend on Him for everything. Raising a family has really taught me to keep relying on His all-sufficient grace and love.
With that said, I welcome fall with open arms! Hurrah for football, pumpkin patches, corn mazes, sweatshirts, haunted houses, and snuggling on the couch will my hubby!

My New Baby Resolutions

2009-07-05T15:04:00.001-07:00

It has been a while since I've posted anything to my blog! Summer always seems to be a busy time for everyone. I think the warm weather kicks everyone into high gear and it's all a rush to get things done before fall sets in.
I know that I have my summer projects ahead of me! I'm not the kind of person who makes New Year's resolutions, but if you ask my husband, he'll agree that I definitely make new baby resolutions! With every pregnancy we've had, I've made a list which he'll swear is a mile long (it's really only a few yards) of things that we have to do and buy to get ready for the new baby. The list for this baby is by far the longest yet.
Fortunately for our ridiculously tight budget, most of the items on the list can be found second hand and the other things listed are things that require good old fashioned elbow grease and time spent indoors. All of which my dear hubby will no doubt greet with unbounded enthusiasm I'm sure! He really is a sweet heart for understanding my need to have everything "just so" before the new baby.
As I said before, the list is quite long but a few things on it would be decorating the master bath and bedroom, organizing and putting items in storage to make more room, finishing the spare room and study, buying baby clothes sized 3-9 months, and completing my doula certification.
I'm very thankful that Nathan's days off are now Wednesdays through Fridays. Since not a lot goes on around town on those days, it's not such a sacrifice to stay home. I'm also thankful that our kids have such sweet grandparents who offer to watch them for a little bit so Nathan and I can get a break now and then! One thing I know we would both like to do would be to take a weekend to ourselves before the baby comes.
For family news, we've had quite a fun kick off to summer. We were able to visit friends and family in the "valley" as well as the zoo and our other favourite, Ikea! There's been grilling and horseback riding, swimming, fireworks, and fun in the sandbox. I'm looking forward to more summer fun and I'm hoping that this pregnancy will continue to be as easy on me as it has been so far!

My mustard seed...

2009-04-29T13:22:00.000-07:00

Two Sundays ago marks the second anniversary of when Nathan and I lost what would have been our third baby. We barely knew it existed and then it was gone. I don't know if it was a boy or a girl but my heart tells me it was a girl. I call her baby April.
The day was spent in a quiet way and I cried myself to sleep. On Monday I bought flowers and the simple, purple blooms still look beautiful today. They represent our loss, but they also represent our fragile hope.
You see, just the previous Tuesday, Nathan and I found out that I'm pregnant again! The baby is due in December. We feel very blessed and excited about our Christmas baby.
As with every pregnancy I'm blessed with, I feel a mix of emotions. I feel excited and I daydream about how adorable it will be to have Christmas baby, whether it is a boy or a girl, and what kind of personality it will have. I also feel cautious. I worry about getting my hopes up too high and what people I should tell the wonderful news to because, as devastating as it is to loose a child, it is magnified by having to inform others about the loss. My worries are justified but they don't accomplish anything and the feeling of having something so completely out of my control is overwhelming at times. Nathan and I describe it as playing Russian roulette with the very heart beating in our chest.
I read a verse yesterday that spoke right to me. It is Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You." The key is faith and keeping my heart in God's hands. It is a promise. It's not a promise that everything will go as I want but that, no matter what happens, I will have peace.
And I don't even need a whole barrel load of faith! All it takes is a grain, a mustard seed smidgen of faith. Matthew 17:20 says, "For assuredly, I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you."
Children are a blessing from God (Psalm 127:-5) and every day that I get to carry this baby is a miracle. So I've told everyone I can about our newest blessing. I watch what I eat, I try to reduce stress, get adequate sleep, and take it easy when I need to. And I continue to daydream. I am working through a baby name book with Nathan and we're making room for this baby in our home and our hearts. Because it's my mustard seed. It's what I can do to move my mountain.

Is it Safer or is it Normal?

2009-02-05T14:01:00.000-08:00

These days, the topics surrounding childbirth have become controversial. But the statistics are indisputable that it is safer for a women to give birth naturally. But what does that mean?
The World Health Organization states that 90-95% of women can give birth normally and free from interventions. But if that is the case, then why does the U.S. have a C-section rate of 31.1%, an induction rate of 16%, another 16% are "helped along" with synthetic oxytocin, as well as staggering rates for other interventions?
If you look back at birth over the ages, a woman in ancient times didn't have many "options". There was no agony of decision over hiring a doctor or a midwife, she always had experienced women to support her. She didn't have to decide to give birth at the hospital, her home, or a birth center. She didn't have to fill out a birth plan and hope it was followed. Her biggest quandary was choosing a soft patch of moss or an animal skin to squat over! So what changed?
Women are still women. The complications with childbirth, though few and far between, are still the same. What changed was when normal became complicated. That's when things went wrong. Women these days, upon arrival to the hospital, are put into wheelchairs and then into bed. They are poked, prodded, and monitored by any and all means. If they are not "progressing" fast enough there are drugs for that. If those drugs cause too much pain, there are drugs for the pain. If the drugs for the pain from the drugs to help progression cause the mother's heart rate to become too low, there are drugs for that. And if all else fails, there is always a Cesarean. This has become our "normal".
If a woman chooses not to follow this standard of procedure and wants to birth her baby in her own time, on her terms, in whatever place she decides, this is called "natural childbirth". People will question her about the safety of her choices, they will question how she will deal with the pain, and either admire her courage or condemn her recklessness. After her baby is born they will both be more alert than most mothers and babies, the baby will score higher than most babies on the Apgar, have less trouble than most babies with breastfeeding, and the mother will have a quicker recovery than most mothers. But are they really "more" alert, scoring "higher", having "less" trouble, and recovering "quicker"? Or is it just normal?

My Doula Journey

2009-02-05T11:58:00.000-08:00

Ever since I was a little girl and I found out that "babies come from their mommies" I've been fascinated by pregnancy and birth. It just seemed like such an incredible, indescribable miracle that something as tiny as a period at the end of a sentence could grow into a cuddly baby in about nine months!
Over the years, my respect and awe for this amazing experience has only deepened. My own personal experiences through miscarriages, a very traumatic hospital birth, and an empowering home birth have taught me many things. They taught me that life is precious and being able to be pregnant is not something to take for granted. They taught me that my body is strong, capable, and designed to give birth. They taught me to respect the natural normality of birth. And while I believe that experience is often the best teacher, I knew that I needed more education in order to pursue a career as a doula.
I've read just about every book I can get my hands on about birth. I'm constantly researching the subject, reading headlines, and talking to people about it. I can't learn enough! That's why I was so excited to start my doula course through Childbirth International.
I started taking classes online in October 08 and the curriculum is very broad and intensive. There is a lot of reading, writing, and critical thinking involved. But I love how it stretches me and I find the studies as well as my online study group invaluable!
I don't have much time to study, with two little ones, a husband, and a household, but I make the time somehow and I can't wait to be certified! It will be such an accomplishment for me and a huge step in my journey!

I'm Going to Volunteer!

2009-02-04T15:07:00.000-08:00

So I sent an email to the director of the Pregnancy Resource Center of Central Oregon on Monday. I told her that I was very interested in volunteering as a doula with their organization. I have always wanted to volunteer with them but I didn't know what I had to offer. Now that I'm a doula student, I thought it would be a perfect opportunity!
I prayed a lot about it and checked my email several times a day. She finally emailed back today saying that she was very excited to meet with me! Our appointment is on Monday afternoon. This is so perfect, I have butterflies! God is so good!

Where the U.S. Stands

2009-02-03T12:42:00.000-08:00

The following is a link to the World Health Organization map showing the maternal mortality rates of the world as of 2005. For those people who think that the Unites States is one of the safest places to give birth, think again. The U.S. ranks 69 out of 167 countries. What that means is that there are 98 countries with fewer women dying from childbirth. It is unnecessary, it is a disgrace, and it needs to change.
The main cause of maternal death (25%) is hemorrhage. One of the main causes for hemorrhage is placental complications. Cesarean sections increase the risk of placental complications, especially in women who have had a previous Cesarean.
The World Health organization recommends a C-section rate at no higher than 15% for any country. The United States has a rate of over twice that at 31.1% in 2006. Therefore, is it safe to say that one of the reasons the U.S. has such a high number of maternal deaths is because of the increasing rate of C-sections?
http://show.mappingworlds.com/world/?subject=MORTALITYMATERNAL

Brand new blog!

2009-02-03T11:51:00.000-08:00

This is my first of (I hope) many blog entries. I'm excited to have a place to share my heart with people. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I know that what I've been through has given me a passion for helping women infrom and empower themselves and shape their own birth experiences. That is my calling and I'm thankful to God for leading me this far. He is forever faithful.